It has been difficult to make time to write lately.
Recently I had been taking some time off dealing with and accepting the sudden passing of my mother. Without warnings, she has left very silently. Things have been really unreal and a lot of times it is still really hard to believe that these new changes are now coming to be.
She was a close friend of mine and has been a great inspiration to me. She has been a great driving force and has helped and supported me in my journey as an artist. We would have lunch every week and talk a little about what is new and I would share my new art with her.
To be completely honest, I am very very saddened by this loss. Sometimes, it feels as if my whole world has been turned upside down.
It has made me think, a lot. It feels as if life feels suddenly even more fragile.
However, me and my family both believe that her spirit is still among us and now she is in a better place.
On the day of her passing, when I had got home... there, on my bed, was my passport and all the things she had wanted me to bring with me to San Diego on my trip that week. I was at a loss of words.
I knew, then and there, that I had to keep going on this journey.
Rest in Peace, Mom. We miss you.
Thinking about all this, there really isn't time to worry and be afraid of what and how something turns out, but just go with things and let it happen.
Creating an image, it is really easy to forget why we are creating in the first place, we often get very caught up with the result of an image and how people might think and judge our work. It prevents the full potential of our creativity.
I remember when I was young, I would draw in the restaurant napkins with my crayola crayons and markers. As a kid, the result didn't matter at all, it was all about having fun because it meant the world to me to simply create.
When I was cleaning the house, I found some old books that I used as a kid, and i saw then, that I drew over anything that I would find around me.
Kids books, exercise books, sticker books, novels, bible. Everything that I was able to find in the house.
What happened to this excitement to create?
...
Tonight, I found an old book that I had around me.
It felt good to be carefree and draw to my heart's content, again. Just like the old days.
The feeling of using markers is fresh again, just like I did when I was young.
Drawing, drawing in a book that has been sitting around, an object that has been aging through time, there is a feeling of fragility and impermanence.
